


Starving to Save You

by superheroine



Series: Unrelated Merlin Remixes [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 100 word challenge, Gen, Recovery, Seizures, Starvation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-21 20:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3703889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superheroine/pseuds/superheroine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a massive drought, winter sets in in Camelot. Uther has ended rationing for all but the royal household, but Merlin knows that Camelot needs a physician more than a manservant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [So Many Drabbles, So Little Time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/420694) by [hawkflyer667](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkflyer667/pseuds/hawkflyer667). 



> My 100-word challenge fic! Each chapter must be exactly 100 words long.  
> Holy shit have I done a lot of research for this. Here are my sources:  
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starvation  
> http://www.forensicpathologyonline.com/e-book/autopsy/starvation  
> http://io9.com/5941883/how-your-body-fights-to-keep-you-alive-when-youre-starving  
> http://www.medicaldaily.com/now-entering-starvation-mode-what-happens-your-metabolic-processes-when-you-stop-feeding-280666  
> http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Starved+to+death  
> http://www.medicinenet.com/anemia/article.htm  
> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hunger-artist/201110/the-physical-effects-weight-gain-after-starvation  
> http://www.nytimes.com/health/guides/injury/convulsions/overview.html

People were dying.

It had been a dry year, with droughts all across Camelot and its neighboring countries. And now it was winter. It was cold, and there was nothing to eat. The people were starving; Merlin had received word of Hunith’s passing several weeks before.

Uther had rationed, in the beginning, taking inventory and trying to keep everyone alive, if not well fed. But food was running out, and two days ago Uther had decreed an end to the rations. Only the royal family and members of its household were being fed.

Two days ago, Merlin had stopped eating.


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin was given food every day, and every day, he gave it to Gaius. He wasn’t given much, but it was better than nothing.

The court needed a physician more than a manservant, even one who possessed magic.

So he told Gaius that Arthur shared his food with him. He would have, Merlin was sure, if he had realized what Merlin was doing. Arthur would have been furious, but mostly afraid. He would have shared.

But Albion itself needed Arthur far more than it needed Merlin _or_ Emrys. Decisions were being made over food, and Merlin was making his own.


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin had never been a big man, and it didn’t take long for him to start losing weight. Gaius had commented by the seventh day, but he attributed it to the rationing.

He was cold (so cold). He wore two shirts under his jacket every day, and had sewn several of his neckerchiefs together into a makeshift scarf. Arthur had given him a pair of gloves one winter, and he wore them all the time. No one else seemed to feel it as much. He was paler too, and the simplest tasks made him tired.

But it was worth it.


	4. Chapter 4

Arthur worried about his manservant. He was losing too much weight, and he wasn’t very big to begin with. Merlin received less food than he himself did, but surely it wasn’t this bad.

He had tried to offer some of his food before, several times. Merlin always refused. “I share my food with Gaius, and you can’t give me food. Your life is more important than mine.”

 _Your life is more important than mine._ This was the first time he had said it out loud, but he had alluded to it before.

(Arthur thought the opposite. Merlin was more important).


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have 15 more chapters written, but I'm only posting 5 today.

One morning, Merlin woke up to swollen limbs. At first he was confused. He was losing weight, surely they should be thinner?

Then he remembered.

The swelling meant he was one step closer to starving; he had experienced it before, in Ealdor, but not to this extent. Starving was not anything he wanted, but it was preferable to Arthur or Gaius starving. He could at least save them from this.

He was staying hydrated, at least; that slowed down the process, according to Gaius. He tried to stay positive, but that morning he looked at Arthur’s breakfast with unusual longing.


	6. Chapter 6

Arthur caught him looking. Of course he had; the naked longing on Merlin’s face was obvious. Arthur studied his face for a moment: Merlin’s face, normally angular, was slightly sunken, but moving his eyes downward, he saw the rope holding up his trousers; he had never needed that before. It was Merlin’s hands that caught his attention though.

His hands were swollen and his wrists inflamed. Arthur could think of no reason for this, nor their redness and shaking. After following Arthur’s gaze, Merlin hastily pulled his gloves back on.

There was something wrong here, and they both knew it.


	7. Chapter 7

A few days later marked two weeks since Merlin’s last meal. Gaius had been called to the lower towns, to see what he could do for the people.

Arthur had Merlin draw a bath.

It took him three times as long to carry up the tub as it once had; he had to keep stopping and resting. In the end, Gwen and George helped him carry up the water.

Merlin could feel Gwen’s (worried) gaze on him the whole time.

The bath was eventually heated and filled, and Merlin thanked them, smiling.

Until he heard, “Get in the tub, Merlin.”


	8. Chapter 8

Merlin panicked. He didn’t have any clever excuse to avoid this, no way to get out of this. He didn’t have many options.

“No.”

Arthur was vaguely surprised at this. He had expected protests and flimsy excuses, but not outright refusal. “Merlin. Get in the tub.”

“No.”

Arthur crossed the room to him in three steps, and Merlin’s sluggish body refused to cooperate with his thoughts of escape. Arthur backed him into the table, pinning him there as he fought the jacket and tunics off of a mortified Merlin. Merlin struggled against him, but it was really an unfair fight.


	9. Chapter 9

Arthur stared in abject horror. Merlin’s ribs stuck out unnaturally, his stomach was concave.

It was far worse than he had thought.

Merlin crossed his arms across his too-thin chest as he looked at the floor, defiantly silent.

 _“Gods,_ Merlin, what have you done to yourself?” he asked in quiet, unspoken fear.

“I have kept you and Gaius alive,” he responded, quieter still, raising his head to meet Arthur’s eyes.

Arthur was the first to look away. He pushed Merlin into the chair at the table. “Eat,” he said, gesturing at the small bowl of stew.

Merlin shook his head.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploaded 4 more chapters today.

Arthur was afraid. He couldn’t remember ever being this afraid in his life. Merlin was _skeletal_.

And he wouldn’t eat. He was sacrificing himself to protect them.

Arthur wanted to scream and rage and destroy. He was angry. But not with Merlin, not this time. This time, he couldn’t be. He was angry with the land itself, with himself and Gaius for not noticing Merlin wasting away in front of them, for not knowing why he was affected more than the other servants.

He knew there were ways to fix this, he just hoped that he hadn’t noticed too late.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long, college exams are coming up and I've been busy.

Merlin was ashamed. He thought he had been so careful, keeping covered and wearing layers. Obviously, he wasn’t careful enough. He could see the worried fear shining in Arthur’s eyes, and he didn’t know how to comfort him. He couldn’t say it would be okay, because it wouldn’t.

There was no food. He needed nutrition, in liquid form if possible. Even with all of Gaius’ skills and potions, this could not be fixed. Not without a miracle.

(Or magic.)

But he would not save himself if he could not save Camelot, and he could not do that without everyone knowing.


	12. Chapter 12

Gaius ran up to Arthur’s chambers as fast as his weak old body could carry him. Merlin’s rations were not enough, but he stopped that thought in its tracks.

Merlin gave him his rations so Gaius could eat.

Merlin had gone without.

Merlin was starving.

Arthur had sent for him, said it was for Merlin, and Gaius had known immediately what had happened. He was a fool. He was a physician; how had he not noticed his (son) ward’s condition? He shouldn’t have believed Merlin when he said Arthur shared. He should’ve paid more attention.

(Merlin should have told him.)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update! And two more sources:  
> http://survivalblog.com/a_year_of_starvation_my_experience_by_ks/  
> http://www.livestrong.com/article/486962-exercise-starvation/

Once Gaius arrived, Arthur left. Partially to grant them some measure of privacy.

(Partially to find Merlin something to eat.)

Some half-remembered lesson from Gaius floated into his mind, and he went to the kitchens to get some broth.

They didn’t have any, but Arthur persisted and Cook hesitantly mentioned the mice. Servants had caught several, and had planned on splitting them among themselves.

(Arthur felt guilty asking for them, but Merlin needed them, and Merlin was more important.)

She grudgingly made up the broth and handed him a bowl. (Arthur _did not_ run back, no matter what anyone thought.)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second update today. :)

_“Merlin.”_

He could not look at Gaius, couldn’t bear to see the distress there that he heard in his voice.

He had done this to him.

He didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t exactly thought this far ahead.

His only concern had been keeping them alive; he hadn’t thought about their reactions to it. (Hadn’t let himself).

Merlin silently berated himself for it. What, had he thought that he could hide it forever? That he would die before anyone noticed?

He was a fool, and a delusional one at that. He should have expected it even sooner, in fact.


	15. Chapter 15

Gaius sighed as he watched Merlin. He was dangerously thin, the physician part of him knew, distressed as he was. His body dark hair was thickening dramatically; how had he missed that? He pulled Merlin up and over to the fire before pulling the think blankets off of the prince’s bed.

He could not imagine that he would care, and if he did, Gaius didn’t care.

The biggest problem would be getting Merlin fed again. There wasn’t enough food, and even if Merlin ate his rations, he wouldn’t be able to keep them down. They didn’t have what he needed.


	16. Chapter 16

Once back in his chambers, Arthur handed the broth over to Gaius. “It wasn’t much, but it was all they had.”

Gaius looked at the bowl curiously. “What’s in it?”

“Mouse.”

Gaius sighed. “Not much meat there, they will be as hungry as we are, but it’s better than nothing.”

Merlin hadn’t looked up since Arthur had entered the room, still mesmerized by the fire. He looked like he was moments away from falling asleep.

“Will he be okay, Gaius?”

He hesitated. “I do not know.”

It wasn’t what Arthur wanted to hear, but it was better than a ‘no’.


	17. Chapter 17

For the next few days, Arthur traded part of his and Merlin’s rations for broth. Gaius still ate about half of Merlin’s ration, as Merlin couldn’t, but Arthur would bet that he would refuse it completely once Merlin could handle solid food again.

(When that time came, Arthur would share his own. As much as Arthur hated what he had done, Merlin was right. They needed a physician, and his father was blind not to see that.)

Once they began paying attention, they had seen the blue tinge to Merlin’s skin. That was at last beginning to fade as well.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for pointing out that I had posted the same chapter twice. Here's the real one.

On the fourth day, Merlin began seizing. His eyes rolled back into his head, and Arthur could see his muscles spasming under the skin. Arthur pushed a pillow under his head and tore off his neckerchief, as Gaius had instructed before, just in case, and sent for Gaius.

By the time Gaius arrived, the seizing had stopped. He sat up and looked around, confused.

“What happened to me?”

“You seized,” Gaius said gravely. “It does not bode well for your recovery.”

Merlin nodded weakly. (He should have known it would not be this easy.)

Arthur stood back and watched silently.


	19. Chapter 19

Later, Arthur brought him more broth. Merlin had a few sips (too few) before pushing it away. “I don’t think I can eat anymore.”

Arthur looked at him worriedly. “What do you mean?”

“I’m full.”

He stared. “You need to eat.”

“I can’t.”

“You must!” Arthur snapped, shoving the bowl back at him. Merlin looked between them.

“Fine.”

He forced himself to drink the whole bowl, but could feel himself growing more and more nauseous.

Arthur looked relieved once he finished the bowl, and Merlin tried to keep it down.

He at least managed to get it in the bowl.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry! I am crazy busy right now. I am in my last semester of my Associate's degree and I have 18 credit hours. And a job. Ugh.

“You can’t force him to eat so much, Arthur,” Gaius admonished.

“He had only had a few sips!”

Gaius closed his eyes a moment. “When a person is starving, their stomachs shrink. They cannot eat very much and have to work their way up to normal sized portions.”

Arthur felt vaguely guilty. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s my fault; I should have warned you that he couldn’t eat very much at the moment.”

“I shouldn’t have made him eat more than he was comfortable with.”

Gaius nodded, agreeing but not blaming him. In this situation, there was blame to go around.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today because I feel so bad.

After several days, Merlin could manage an entire bowl of broth. He was curious, but he never asked what kind of meat was in it, and they never told him.

Gaius had begun to add herbs into the broth to help Merlin regain some of his strength; the effect took place relatively quickly. Within days, Merlin could stand by himself. (Wobbly and unsteady, but still standing. No one begrudged him his small victory.)

After he could move around some, he began loudly complaining about his forced bedrest and being kept from doing his job.

(No one was surprised by this).


End file.
